1. No one actually cares how fast your windshield wipers are going.
2. You aren’t required to make a right turn on a red light, even if it’s clear, even if the person behind you honks.
3. And they always honk. People will honk even when you think you’re doing all the right things. Or you’ll make a silly mistake and they’ll honk at that too. My mom honks back and flips them off. My dad smiles and waves. My sister cranks her music and pretends she never heard them honk. Know that it’ll happen eventually and make a plan ahead of time for how you’ll cope.
4. The person who has been unintentionally following you for a while also feels a bit anxious that you might think they’re following you.
5. If you’re getting too anxious, pull over in a safe area. It’s fine to make time to recollect yourself.
6. When I first learned to drive, I only listened to one tape (yes, it was a tape. and it was the Lion King soundtrack). Having familiar, repeating music allowed me to keep something consistent while focusing on the factors that are changing around me.
7. It’s easiest to tactile,auditory, or vocal stim while driving. I attach fabric or stim toys (like a Tangle) to my steering wheel so I can rub my fingers against it, I listen to my favorite song on repeat, or I scream out my latest vocal stim.
In regards to 7: my mom bought a steering wheel cover with an interesting texture because she didn’t like the feeling of the wheel, so this is a good idea for anyone who wants something to touch without distracting from holding onto the wheel. Just be careful not to let anything distract your attention from the road!
It’s ok to turn down the radio while you’re trying to find your way. I don’t kow why the internet thinks this is stupid and hilarious. Reducing distraction while feeling anxious, distracted, etc, is a good thing.
Public radio at the bottom of the dial (if you have that kind of car radio) is better for driving than pop stations at the top of the dial. If you have internet radio, may I suggest world-renowned XPN.org from the University of Pennsylvania (affiliated with NPR)?
If you can’t find someone to teach you, try a driving instructor. They sit next to you and have a brake pedal on their side, so they can stop you if you get into trouble.
Highways are EASY. You’re much less likely to get into an accident on a highway than small streets.
Iff you can’t fiddle with directions on your phone, Garmin makes excellent, affordable GPS devices that don’t need a special service and charge with an adapter that fits into your lighter, or by USB.
You have every right to not move your car until everyone inside has a seatbelt on. Remember, you can be held legally responsible if someone is injured in your car.
Practice driving and parkig in big office or shopping center parking lots after they close!
NOTE: this is way longer than I meant it to be – sorry.
I know my driving anxiety is different, because it’s PTSD related, but I’m not a fan of the “Highways are easy” advice. One of my wrecks was on the highway, for one. And two, in my area, wrecks on the highway are common and often involve serious injuries. We had something around 4 fatalities in a week a few months ago. Yes, statistically highway wrecks are less common, but when they do happen they tend to be much more serious because of the speeds you’re going. Just saying “highways are easy” is a little dismissive and not very helpful to me.
My advice would be this:
Deep breaths. If you’re having to merge, or let people on the highway, or at a major highway intersection, consciously take deep breaths.
Where I am, it’s generally understood that the left lane is for “passing” ie. the fast lane. If you don’t want to go the speed of sound, stay out of there. That being said, I like that lane, because typically, on ramps are on the right, so the only traffic you really have to worry about is the middle lane. If you’re in the right lane, you can keep to the speed limit or go under without people getting mad. That’s basically what that lane is for. Just be mindful of people coming onto the highway, and you should be fine. Don’t be afraid to go a bit under the speed limit if the speed scares you. If people get pissy because you’re doing 55 mph in a 60 zone, they can go around.
Practice highway driving by getting on at one on-ramp, staying on the highway (in the right lane) for about a mile or so, even just to the nearest exit lane and get off. Increase the time you spend on it until you start feeling more comfortable.
Avoid rush hour. Usually this is around 8-10 in the morning and 4-6 in the evening (16:00-18:00.) This means everyone is going to or leaving work at the same time. There’s more traffic and people are irritated.
I find road rage is worse in the evening. People are tired and they’re stressed and they’ve had a bad day and they get on the road and want to get home RIGHT NOW and hate you and every single other driver on the road who stands between them and their sweat pants and beer. It’s human and it’s understandable, but it’s also very dangerous when you have dozens or even hundreds of people like this on the road at the same time. I’ll take the left lane in the morning, but stay to the right when I’m going home for this reason.
One piece of advice to take with a MASSIVE grain of salt. The highway will have fewer people later at night. Most people are at home by this point, so it can be less terrifying to drive at night. BUT be wary of the hours when the bars close. People do drive home drunk. Usually last call in the US is around 2-ish. So stay away from the road if you can around that time.
18-wheelers/trailers/semis/whatever you call them where you live are the absolute devil. They’re huge, they are always going too fast, they are incapable of staying in their own damn lanes, and I’m pretty sure a research group discovered a few years back that a large number of truck drivers are on meth. Just avoid them if you can. (You can’t. But try.) I try to get past them and not be right next to them. But when in doubt, just let them have what they want and stay out of their way. Again, deep breaths.
If you feel safer, and you can get to your destination this way, there is absolutely no shame whatsoever in taking the service road the entire way. If you have a totem or something that you feel is good luck or it’s presence calms you, bring it. Same thing if it starts raining. No shame at all in pulling over and trying to wait it out.
This bit of advice might make things worse for some people, but I want to mention it anyway. Ever since the wreck that put me in the hospital (not on the highway-drunk driver ran a light) I have a ridiculously cuddly stuffed Darth Vader in my front seat. If I get in a wreck again and have to go to the hospital, he’s coming with me. Knowing he’s there and that I’ll have something to hold if I’m ever in an ambulance again makes me feel better.
If you are in a wreck, and you are in the slightest bit hurt GO TO THE HOSPITAL. Yes, I know, medical bills are awful. BUT, if you are even on the fence at all about if you need to be checked out, GO. And if the wreck was not your fault, the other party’s insurance will be responsible for your medical bills. Check with your car insurance (YOU ARE LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO HAVE CAR INSURANCE.) and check and see if you have “uninsured motorist coverage.” What this means is, like in my case, if you get in a wreck with someone who doesn’t have insurance, your insurance provider will cover your medical bills, even though you weren’t responsible. My bills came to about $5000 (for a 45 minute hospital stay wtf?!?!??) but Progressive is covering every cent of that.
It’s a good idea to keep an emergency contact, your medical insurance card, and any relevant medical information like allergies, etc. with you when you drive, just in case.
I know all the info is scary, but I feel like if you have your bases covered, and know what you need if you’re in a wreck, it’s better than not knowing how to respond if it happens, feel me?
Above all: you are better off getting there late than in a body bag.
This is true for every single person on the highway, so never ever let another driver make you feel guilty for driving safe. People on the highway are mad at their bosses, their GPS for sending them the wrong way, the construction, and life in general. Absolutely none of that is your fault, your problem, or your responsibility.
The Paradox Machine 