Mary Shelley: Are you Harriet Westbrook? If so, consider fighting Percy instead. If not, why on Earth would you want to fight Mary Shelley?
Bram Stoker: Go for it; the guy was sickly all his life. Just try not to catch his latest batch of terminal illnesses.
Edgar Allan Poe: Like Bram Stoker, but really sad. Don’t fight Poe.
Matthew “Monk” Lewis: You’ll have a fun time fighting Matthew Lewis, whether you win or not. Watch out, though- he fights dirty.
Oscar Wilde: You think you can take Wilde? Really? I mean, I know pop culture thinks of him as silly and frilly, but he was also 6′3″ and Irish. You cannot take Oscar Wilde.
The Marquis de Sade: Win or lose, there is no possible end to this fight that does not leave you feeling gross.
John Polidori: Absolutely fight Polidori. If only his little half-assed attempt at a mustache were longer, you could pull on it!
Henry James: First, decide whether you believe he was sympathetic to the plight of women or revelled in depicting their downfall. Then bypass Henry James entirely in favor of fighting one academic side or the other.
Ambrose Bierce: I cannot emphasize enough how much you cannot beat Ambrose Bierce. This man ended his life by riding off to join Pancho Villa’s army, and some scholars believe he was murdered for sassing his host. Unless you are Pancho Villa, don’t fight Ambrose Bierce.
M.R. James: You could beat James up, but then Christopher Lee would beat you up. Choose wisely.
Charles Dickens: He’ll be the one to fight you, for calling him a gothic horror writer in the first place. And while I have no proof of it, I am convinced Dickens has killed men before for such insults.
Sheridan Le Fanu: On the one hand, I feel bad advising anyone to fight a man who campaigned to get the British government to do something about the Irish famine. On the other hand, those muttonchops were meant for grabbing.
H.P. Lovecraft: You’ll win, but you won’t enjoy it. There’s no fun in kicking a man who’s already down.
Who Should You Fight: Gothic Horror Edition
Published
The Paradox Machine 