stimman3000:

stimman3000:

hey guys here’s my review of how much various horror movies fit their titles

scream: there is a respectable amount of screaming. could have been called “guy in a screamy mask with a knife” but they took a risk with the title and I respect that 7/10

the descent: there is a good amount of descending in this movie 8/10

it follows: it does, in fact, follow 9/10

Oculus: dumb. Idk what oculus means and I don’t care. shld have been called “murder mirror” 0/10

the babadook: movie is based around an entity known as the babadook. very good 10/10

creep: I guess the guy is fairly creepy, but I i wish the title was a little more specific. Work the wolf mask in there next time 5/10

the exorcist: there is an exorcist 8/10

the houses that October built: October can’t build houses. It’s a month. Idiots. 2/10 because it does, at least, take place in October

silent hill: I don’t think there are any hills that are more silent than the average hill in this movie 1/10

paranormal activity: there is activity that is fairly paranormal 9/10

the blair witch project: I guess what they’re doing could be counted as a project, and it DOES involve the blair witch, but I’d call it more of a “documentary” than a “project” 7/10

split: there are, to the best of my knowledge, no splits of either the gymnastic or banana variety in this movie 0/10

the midnight meat train: there is a train at midnight, and some meat themes throughout the movie, but the train itself is not filled with meat 6/10

the conjuring: nothing is actually conjured. they’re actually trying to get rid of something, which is like. the opposite of conjuring -100/10

the descent 2: they descend again. 8/10

house of 1000 corpses: there is a house with corpses, but not nearly 1000 of them. should have been called House of Roughly 90 Corpses, Give or Take a Few. .9/10

human centipede: fuck dude it sure is. nice 10/10

get out: too vague. while “get out” is good advice here, it’s also good advice in most other horror movies 4/10

a quiet place: the place is pretty quiet for the first half of the movie. less so for the second half 6/10

truth or dare: movie breaks the rules of truth or dare. better title would be Two Truths and One Mandatory Dare 5/10

ginger snaps: she sure does! and i love the fact that the title evokes a cookie, but i was disappointed by the fact that gingersnaps don’t appear in the movie at all 8/10

13 cameras: i’m pretty sure there are actually 13 cameras and i’m gonna say there are because i don’t feel like going back and counting. 13/10

v/h/s: title doesn’t include the fact that it kills you, but i’ll give it that it is a vhs 7/10

the strangers: again, very vague. but they are strangers 5/10

jennifer’s body: it is about jennifer’s body, but the title gives the impression that it’s sorta just sitting there while in reality it’s being rented out by the worlds coolest demon 7/10

let the right one in: the right one to let in in this case is no one. don’t let anyone in. theyll drink your blood 2/10

they look like people: they actually dont look like anything because the whole movie concept is that they dont exist. stupid and dumb. -1000/10