Horatio George, 

WILL YOU STOP WEDGING YOUR CHUNKY BUTT UNDER TIGHT SPACES-YOU KNOW THAT SCARES YOUR PEOPLE-MOMMY-I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU MOVING THE BED AROUND BECAUSE YOU. WEREN’T. MOVING. 

I know you don’t like your collar. I know you don’t like the move. I get it. But I DO NOT NEED YOU GETTING STUCK OR SUFFOCATING OR ACCIDENTALLY HAVING YOUR LITTLE KITTY NECK BROKEN BY ME MOVING FURNITURE YOU’VE WEDGED YOUR CHUNKY BUTT UNDER. I DO NOT NEED THAT KIND OF STRESS RIGHT NOW. 

NOW TAKE YOUR FLUFFY BUTT ONTO THE BED AND I EXPECT TO SEE YOU THERE WHEN I GET OUT OF THE SHOWER AND COME TO BED. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

Love,

Your People-Mom.