Depression, anxiety, ADD/ADHD, executive function disorder, and other mental health issues can all affect your relationship with cleaning and organization. Messiness is not a moral failing; it’s often a logical product of circumstances, including mental health. It’s easy to discount all of the ways mental health affects your life, but it’s important not to. Try to realize that it’s all connected, so your mess often has a reason.
Once you realize that mental health can show itself in the state of your home, you can work toward solutions that take your abilities and challenges into account. Do what you can, when you can, and be kind to yourself if you’re having a rough day/week/month/whatever. So many people experience this, but we all think we’re alone. We’re not.
In case you think you’re the only one who can’t get a grasp on your mess due to your mental health, the most-read post on unfuckyourhabitat.com by far is The Depression/Messy House Cycle. Trust me, you’re not the only one. I promise.
Coworker: *comes at me with his cell phone to show me some bullshit*
I was at work for over 12 hours. It’s been a very long day and I come home only to discover that I am from the same city as Barney the Dinosaur. Don’t ask me how I learned this information. I think I may actually be having an aneurysm. There’s a pain in my head going into my neck. Maybe it’s a migraine. Maybe it’s a stroke. Either way I hope it kills me.
i swear to god, men raising their voice is the most terrifying thing in the whole world. they dont understand, like its an immediate panic response, game over
I actually had no idea women found this so scary
my downstairs neighbors fight on a regular basis, and every time he starts yelling i’m a little afraid he’s going to kill her. i have no reason to think this except that he is a man and he is angry
My math teacher has a loud voice and a temper and he scares the living shit out of me almost everyday. He’s made me and other kids cry more than once and he and his teacher buddies make a joke out of terrifying students.
this was women in general? i knew my gf didn’t like it but I was unaware if this affected most women
Yes, it does
As a woman, I had no idea it effected other women like this. I was too afraid to even talk about it. I thought I was weak. Thanks for bringing attention to this.
My dad thinks it’s funny that I used to cry when he raised his voice. I freak out whenever some one does. Once my director did, and I started crying I couldn’t stop. I’m glad to see I’m not alone…
This is so important– seeing how common this is– and I also want you all to know that this is not normal. It isn’t something instinctively ingrained into women, to be afraid of men. There is no natural state of men being a threat that women constantly have to be afraid of. This is cultural. So many women and girls here have a mutual understanding of this feeling, and I think it really shows an unsettling truth about our society, particularly about how men are raised to act and how so many women have this defensive reaction gradually develop. It’s so important that these people have their voices heard, because it teaches us about problems that we just can’t deny the existence of any longer.
I’m glad I’m not the only one
My fellow men, pay attention. I didn’t realize how scary this could be until one of my exes explained it to me, and it’s heartbreaking.
Also, when we move too much during an argument, or lean forward, it’s scary, and I never knew. I was even a little insulted at first, because surely she didn’t think I would hurt her. But see, that doesn’t matter. It wasn’t a sign that she mistrusted me specifically; it’s a conditioned response. (Although if you keep doing it once you realize it scares her, she SHOULDN’T trust you.)
Not every woman has been physically harmed by a man she trusted, but every woman KNOWS a woman who has.
I used to be horrible about this, because I didn’t realize how intimidating it was. I didn’t understand why the woman I was with clammed up or tried to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear, and I only got angrier, and acted even more like an asshole. It was wrong. It was abusive. It didn’t matter if I INTENDED it that way; it was still emotionally abusive. And it was inexcusable.
I get that when passions are high, and when you’re frustrated, it’s a natural tendency to let your voice get louder, to shout and gesture and lean forward. But you can train yourself to do better. You can train yourself to keep more of an even tone, to refrain from large and fast gestures, to not lean into her personal space. I did. I’m not perfect at it yet, but goddamn it, I WILL be.
Don’t tell me it’s too hard, that you just can’t do it, or that you “shouldn’t have to.” I’m 53 years old and just now getting the hang of it, and if this old dog can learn something new, so can you.
Note to guys: It really, REALLY doesn’t matter if you’re thinking, “but I would never…”
History is littered with the bodies of women who believed a man “would never.” This includes women killed by men who honestly, deeply, truly believed they “would never”… right up until she said that one thing or moved in just that way and he just got so mad, just that once, and pushed her or punched her or slashed her or shot her… just once, y’know, to shut her up, or because she was flinching and didn’t she know that HE’S NOT LIKE THAT and I’LL TEACH HER TO BE AFRAID OF ME…
We are trained, from infancy, that Men With Loud Voices are a source of pain from which we cannot escape, and attempts to escape may result in more pain. And as soon as we’re old enough to comprehend a world broader than our immediate circle, a world that extends into the past and will run into the future, we realize that there is no way, no way at all, to tell which men “would never” and which men “would never… except if.”
We live or die on that “if.” And any man who doesn’t like facing that hyper-vigilance can work on fixing OTHER MEN, not women’s fear.
The reaction shouldn’t be “not all men are like that;” it should be “no woman should have to live in fear.”
It’s telling that so many people will hear a story of long-term abuse and say, “why did she stay with him?” and not “why did he treat her like that?”
I’m trying to sleep but it’s hot and I can’t stop thinking about that terrible so called cajun recipe by the ditz who thought it was weird and random that her high school band took a trip to New Orleans.
Yeah that is weird. It’s not like New Orleans is famous for its music or anything. You’d think it was the birthplace of jazz or something.
Two things that made me feel better tonight:
1. Horatio playing with Arthur and the two of them rough housing a bit.
2. Arthur herding Horatio into the bathroom while I was brushing my teeth. Normally I go fetch Horatio before I go to bed but I guess Arthur decided to be my Little Helper and do it for me. Horatio was not pleased. Unfortunately for him I found it adorable. He’s curled up with me now.
The Paradox Machine 